Please, let me fuck your mom
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
