we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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