You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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