I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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