I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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