just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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