if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
