I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
