Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
