eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
