I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I currently don't understand fingers.
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