Your face is a jimmy john
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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