My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
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The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
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I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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