he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
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I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize