The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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