just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
