a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
