why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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