Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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