i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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