Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
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The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
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Can vaginas get frostbite?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
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