I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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