We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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