I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
