He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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