Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
