Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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