just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
