Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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