He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
