why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
