we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
We need to rekindle our bromance
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
