Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
