So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
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You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
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Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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