My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
