got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
