I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
