How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
we're so committed to being not committed
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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