Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
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My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
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I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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