You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
