3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
