I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
