Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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