yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Green mimosas i think yes
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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