i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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