My entire life is one complicated drinking game
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
