apparently the secret to your success is patron
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
