five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
