That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
