at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
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You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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