He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I am one with the molecules
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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