6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
