I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
