We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
