I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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