we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
