This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I love having hate sex.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
