I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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