I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
