so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
