He asked me if I "almost moaned"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
