The maid of honor just puked.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
