It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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