Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
