just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
