They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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