don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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