btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
