I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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