Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
