His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
