I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
