just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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