if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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