I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
