last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
