My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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