Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
3pm strippers are depressing
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
