So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
